Funny Birthday Messages

The best collection of funny birthday messages that you can use in a birthday greeting.
  • Happy birthday, you're not getting older you're just a little closer to death.
  • To the nation's best kept secret; your true age.
  • Birthdays are like boogers, the more you have the harder it is to breathe.
  • Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that people who have the most live the longest!
  • Money's tight
    Times are hard
    Here's you friggin birthday card
  • Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
  • Better to be over the hill than buried under it.
  • You always have such fun birthdays; you should have one every year.
  • So many candles... so little cake.
  • Happy birthday to a person who is smart, good looking, and funny and reminds me a lot of myself.
  • We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it.
  • Happy birthday on your very special day, I hope that you don't die before you eat your cake.
  • Stop counting the candles and start thinking about your wishes.
  • You're a hard person to shop for, so I didn't get you anything. Happy birthday.
  • Wishing you many more candles and a cake big enough to fit them all on.
  • You're another year older and another year wiser
    So put your brain to work
    And figure out there ain't no gift for you.
  • Two tips on your birthday:
    1) Forget the past, you can't change it.
    2) Forget the present, I didn't get you one.
  • Some words of wisdom for your birthday, "Smile while you still have teeth!"
  • Happy birthday you old fart.
  • You would have loved the gift I didn't bother getting you.
  • Another year, another new place thet aches.
  • One more year of existence down the drain. Happy birthday!
  • The only reason you hate your birthday is because people give you odd gifts, scary cards with weird messages in them, and because you're getting older. Anyway, happy birthday!
  • It's ok to light the candles on your birthday cake now; I've already alerted the fire department.
  • With age comes wisdom. (You're one of the wisest people I know!)
  • I was trying to think of what to get you for your birthday but nothing came to mind.
  • You're not old until you can't read this writing anymore. (written in real small text)
  • Hoping you dance the night away or at least watch other people dance late into the night, or at least stay awake...
  • Hoping that you can find all the strength and courage needed... to blow all of the candles out.
  • You have reached the age where all compliments will be followed by, "For someone your age."
  • Don't think of it as getting older, think of it as becoming a classic.
  • An old fart is as good as a new one.
  • You've survived another year. Although you're older, it's better than the alternative. Congratulations!
  • You age like cheese... You just keep getting smellier!
  • Is it getting hotter in here or is it just all the candles on your cake?
  • There were a lot of famous people born on your birthday. Too bad you aren't one.
  • The younger you try to look; the older you actually are.
  • Another year older, none the wiser.
  • Happy birthday to you
    You live in a zoo
    You look like a monkey
    And you smell like one too
  • Enjoy your birthday cake today since tomorrow we'll return to judging you based on every single morsel you ingest.
  • Happy birthday! You're one year closer to your death day.
  • I'm not going to make any age related jokes because I genuinely feel bad about how old you are.
  • You think you are old? You're not old... you were old last year, this year you're ancient.
  • Don't forget to wear your sunglasses when the cake is served. Happy birthday.
  • Let's share a birthday hug right now... before you realize that there's no gift for you.
  • Never lie about your age except in the case of an emergency, like if somebody should ask how old you are.
  • Count your blessings, not your wrinkles.
  • I'll always think of you as someone older than me. Happy birthday.
  • You're older.
    You're wiser.
    You're sophisticated.
    You're far too mature to be concerned with material things, like presents.
  • You know you're getting old when you walk up the stairs and call it excercise. Happy bday!

Also see: Happy Birthday Messages | Best Birthday Quotes | Birthday Wishes for Friends

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