Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that people who have the most live the longest!

Money's tight
Times are hard
Here's you friggin birthday card

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

Better to be over the hill than buried under it.

You always have such fun birthdays; you should have one every year.

So many candles... so little cake.

Happy birthday to a person who is smart, good looking, and funny and reminds me a lot of myself.

We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it.

Happy birthday on your very special day, I hope that you don't die before you eat your cake.

Stop counting the candles and start thinking about your wishes.

You're a hard person to shop for, so I didn't get you anything. Happy birthday.

Wishing you many more candles and a cake big enough to fit them all on.

You're another year older and another year wiser
So put your brain to work
And figure out there ain't no gift for you.

Two tips on your birthday:
1) Forget the past, you can't change it.
2) Forget the present, I didn't get you one.

Some words of wisdom for your birthday, "Smile while you still have teeth!"

Happy birthday you old fart.

You would have loved the gift I didn't bother getting you.

Another year, another new place thet aches.

One more year of existence down the drain. Happy birthday!

The only reason you hate your birthday is because people give you odd gifts, scary cards with weird messages in them, and because you're getting older. Anyway, happy birthday!

It's ok to light the candles on your birthday cake now; I've already alerted the fire department.

With age comes wisdom. (You're one of the wisest people I know!)

I was trying to think of what to get you for your birthday but nothing came to mind.

You're not old until you can't read this writing anymore. (written in real small text)

Hoping you dance the night away or at least watch other people dance late into the night, or at least stay awake...

Hoping that you can find all the strength and courage needed... to blow all of the candles out.

You have reached the age where all compliments will be followed by, "For someone your age."

Don't think of it as getting older, think of it as becoming a classic.

An old fart is as good as a new one.

You've survived another year. Although you're older, it's better than the alternative. Congratulations!

You age like cheese... You just keep getting smellier!

Is it getting hotter in here or is it just all the candles on your cake?

There were a lot of famous people born on your birthday. Too bad you aren't one.

The younger you try to look; the older you actually are.

Another year older, none the wiser.

Happy birthday to you
You live in a zoo
You look like a monkey
And you smell like one too

Enjoy your birthday cake today since tomorrow we'll return to judging you based on every single morsel you ingest.

Happy birthday! You're one year closer to your death day.

I'm not going to make any age related jokes because I genuinely feel bad about how old you are.

You think you are old? You're not old... you were old last year, this year you're ancient.

Don't forget to wear your sunglasses when the cake is served. Happy birthday.

Let's share a birthday hug right now... before you realize that there's no gift for you.

Never lie about your age except in the case of an emergency, like if somebody should ask how old you are.

Count your blessings, not your wrinkles.

I'll always think of you as someone older than me. Happy birthday.

You're older.
You're wiser.
You're sophisticated.
You're far too mature to be concerned with material things, like presents.

You know you're getting old when you walk up the stairs and call it excercise. Happy bday!